I have a close friend, even though we have never been involved in intense communication, but we know that we are interdependent. I only call him if I need someone and when nobody available for me. I will call him whenever I need someone to tell about my pain and my stupidity. For example, when someone hurt me, when someone wasted me, when I feel very stupid, when I feel like a failure, when I can't see anything positive in my life, etc. He never talkative to respon my story, he just hear me. Sometimes he is focused, sometimes he is distracted into the social media timeline or games on his cellphone. No matter for me, someone just hear me without talk a lot, it was more than enough.

So does he. He just call me when he need a friend to talk or just need a friend for dinner. He more often tells about his ex. When he confuse because of his-ex, he will call me. And we will meet to dinner. Even though he always knew when he told me about his ex I always said that he was stupid, very stupid. But, I always hear him, however much I hate his stories about his ex. We really are like two fools.

This friendship has been going on for about 5 years.

One day, when someone deeply-hurt me for a long time, he said:
"I care you. Who is always there when you need someone, Yaz? Him or me? Does he ever come to you whenever you need?? Does he care about you? Stop your stupidity! But it's up to you if you don't have a problem with your stupidity. I care you more than anyone."

I was speechless when I heard that, but it made me think a little. Yes, he is right. He always there when I need. When I ask for help, he rarely refuses. Otherwise, someone who is always be subject of my story is not necessarily there when I need him. And he never showed signs that he cared about me.. even I really care about him. The subject who I'm talking about is just wanna take advantage of me. However much I feel sad when he is sad, and feel worried when he is not okay. Just it, the reality that I must accept. However much I care about his happiness and his inner peace. He still never really cared about me. A fact that I must accept. Really, how paradoxical life is.

When someone hurt me with his indifference, my close friend said that he cares me more than anyone. When I wanna say the same sentence to someone else, "I care you, more than anyone". To someone else who never cared about my concern for him.

Let's back to the story about my close friend, first leave a story about someone else who makes me stupid. In recent months, I never told to my close friend about my stupidity. I never request to meet. So did he. We maybe busy, and never again tell each other's stupidity. Even though I know I'm still stupid, maybe he's still stupid because of the memories of his ex. It's just that we've never shared stories about each other's stupidity. If we contacted each other when we felt we needed friends, now we don't contact each other at all.. at all. Last month, I met him and several other friends. At that meeting I realized he already didn't really care about me again.

Someone who once said with confidence, "I care you more than anyone.", finally no longer care about me. This is actually not really a problem for me. In my life I often make friends, and lose friends. That's part of life. Maybe I don't know when I'll meet again with people who care about me.

Sumber gambar : pinterest

In this post, my focus is not on my friends or someone else who ignore me. But the focus is on my reflection on "caring about someone". Have you ever cared about someone who hasn't even cared about you for a second? And, has someone ever cared about you but you have never cared so much about that person?

For me, care about someone is quite tiring, especially if that person has never cared about my concern for him. But can I suddenly change my attitude and my attention? Being totally indifferent to someone I have cared about for all this time? It is not impossible. After all, my close friend has proven it. At least he looks like he doesn't care about me anymore, after our friendship year.

And how difficult is it to break away from our care about someone? After so far we have been playing around with our concern, and it's tiring. Very tiring. Does caring about someone really make us tired?

And which one do you choose? Still care about someone who doesn't care about you that much? Or resting from this tiring concern?

I actually never expect someone will care about me like I care about him. I just want... someone who I care about is understand that I care about him, even in some cases, beyond his concern for himself. It might sound very hyperbole, and it's hard to believe. But that's the truth, and I getting tired of surviving in this condition.

This question is indeed a bit painful, what do you do when you care about someone who never care  about you?

Sometimes you have give up on people, not because you don't care. But they don't.